if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
