What did we do last night that was yellow?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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