My hand turned me down
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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