You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
