Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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