I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
