Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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