If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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