So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
