no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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