You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize