i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
