Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
