Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to calm my uterus...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
