Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
