dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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