I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
