I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's blow job season.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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