Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
