Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
