u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
