Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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