he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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