At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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