They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
