She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
