Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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