I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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