im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
