In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.