The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.