I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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