I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my phone needs a breathalizer
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
