I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
