Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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