Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
