just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
