I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
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