im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize