Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
