yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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