Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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