My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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