i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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