i was born a porn star she said
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
