I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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