very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize