I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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