wanna go halves on a baby?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize