So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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