All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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